There’s an unlimited amount of family activities available in our culture today. Many of these family activities fall into the go and do category. My family is pretty big on go and do activities ranging from Disney World to simply going to pick blueberries together. Our family outings have always been positive experiences for us, except for my recent water slide concussion and that time a virus hit halfway to Orlando. Anyway, the go and do family stuff is great because they’re opportunities to just be together away from distractions and they’re focused on having fun. As much fun as we have going and doing, family life is defined by more than a series of events. The essence of family life happens week-in and week-out at home. Amy and I feel that’s important to step outside of our busy family routine and set aside family time each and every week. Weekly family time has the same goals as the more flashy go and do outings, but they’re much simpler. There’s something special about families pausing for some classic family time like playing a board game, decorating cookies or building a homemade tent in the den.

It’s easy to abdicate consistent family time based on the notion that we can make up for it later with big go and do events. In other words, we don’t feel pressure to make family time a consistent weekly habit because we assume that we’ll make the time up later. Our actions would reflect that we’re too absorbed by life and work to pause for family time so we rationalize that we’ll get to it later. This doesn’t reflect our embedded values about family but it’s a subtle rationalization that just happens. In this age where we are always wired, classic family time is important now more than ever. Families need to be together every week, without distractions focused on having fun and celebrating childhood. Memorable go and do events are great, but the week-in and week-out family activities are the fabric of childhood.

Think about your childhood. I’m betting that some of your best memories are the simple things that your parents or grandparents did with you. I remember going fishing. I remember climbing trees. I remember riding to the farm with my Grandparents to check on the cows. I remember coke bottles and sleeves of peanuts. I remember playing catch and playing tennis. I remember swimming in the cattle trough that Grandaddy brought home. I remember my Mom catching frogs for me. I remember homemade tents and classic flashlights. I remember homemade treats of epic goodness. I remember the things that made my childhood great and made me who I am. I was blessed with Parents and Grandparents that put first things first consistently. What examples of classic family time do remember from your childhood?

Family Life can be crazy.  We have tons of fun through all of our activities but sometimes it seems that we don’t have enough time to just be a family and enjoy one another.  Our culture can quickly suck us into a race to get involved in as many activities as possible.  When we just stop and enjoy a simple day with our family, we wonder why we don’t do it more often.  It can be a struggle to keep family time at the forefront of our lives.  The issue is typically not about our values or intentions.  We have great intentions.  It’s more about misplaced energy.  We seem to put a lot of energy into an activity driven lifestyle that we confuse with a values driven lifestyle.  Without realizing it, we can abdicate our family responsibilities under the false impression that more is better.

As our children grow up and their lives get busier, the challenges around controlling our schedules are exacerbated.  It takes effort to take ownership of our family schedule and truly establish our priorities.  It boils down to saying no to some otherwise great activities and being intentional about family time.  As our family gets ready for the new school year, and what is sure to be one of the busiest seasons of our lives, we are asking ourselves how we plan to honor our values through our schedule.  The cornerstone of our plan is simply intentional time together.  The truth is, our accomplishments, accolades or money don’t mean much if we don’t get things right at home.  It’s not complicated, it’s just a matter of spelling out our priorities and following through.  Here’s how our family plans to make sure that our schedule matches our priorities this fall:

• Family Nights will be most every Friday night for our family.  We think it’s important that these are simple nights at home. No cell phones, facebook or anything else distracting us for 3-4 hours.  We’ll play a board game or watch a movie and order in.  Nothing fancy.  We’ll let the kids choose the activity on a rotation.

• Dinner Together is something we don’t do enough.  We’re committed to having dinner together at home at least two evenings per week MON – THURS.

• Date Nights are important but tougher to be regimented about.  There are a few different dynamics to consider.  First, Amy and I want at least one date night per month.  I also want to be sure and get some guy time in with my son.  Guy time with my son actually comes pretty easily because he’s surrounded by three girls and loves his time with me.  In turn, girl time for Amy and our two daughters comes easy (dinner and shopping).  However, it’s important to me that I take my girls out individually for ice cream or dinner at least once per month.  Amy feels the same way about time with our son.  This is a matter of looking at the calendar on a monthly basis and booking these date nights.  They really facilitate good communication.

• Family Retreats will be quarterly for us.  This can be a simple weekend trip.  Our trip this fall is already booked.  We’ll be heading to Orlando on Thanksgiving Day (right after a giant lunch at Grandma’s) for a long weekend away.  The kids really look forward to these.  We already have some great memories and we plan to make some more.

• Family Ministry is a huge part of our lives.  Family Ministry is truly in the DNA of our church, Longleaf Church.  A central goal of Family Ministry is parent engagement with the spiritual lives of their children.  In part, this means dialogue at home about what the kids are learning in Longleaf Church environments and from their Small Group Leaders.  Amy and I are the ones responsible for the spiritual development of our children so we don’t need more church programs, we need to own it at home. Longleaf Church is our partner in Family Ministry and we’re blessed by the leaders that represent that partnership.

Love to hear how you and your family systematically prioritize family time…

Life-balance begins with values, but values aren’t real unless they dictate how we spend our time. Values aren’t an image we want to project, they’re simply a reflection of how we spend our time and our resources.  For parents, this is a profound reality.  Children grow up super fast and the cumulative effects of “family time” will last a lifetime. There’s an unlimited amount of worthwhile activities or pursuits that can claim our time as individuals and as families. The ebb and flow of culture causes us to drift to a place where we’ve lost control of our time and we just respond to life. This is not something that we can solve overnight, but many times actions that may seem drastic are called for sooner rather than later.  Childhood is fleeting, so the time to filter life through our value system and claim our calendars is today.

The realization of “family values” derived from biblical truth empowers families, and sometimes it creates some interesting new possibilities.  Anyone who knows Brian and Julie Jarrard would tell you that they are pretty amazing parents.  Their 5 daughters, that’s right 5, are beautiful, unique and well-adjusted kids.  Brian and Julie are not only blessed with an 8 year-old daughter and a 6 year-old daughter, they have triplet daughters who will turn 3 years old this July.

“The fact that we are currently raising 5 girls in today’s world can sometimes be an overwhelming task. We found ourselves in competition with so many other things out there. We are the ones responsible for their growth and spiritual development so we have to be fully aware of what influences their lives”, Julie said.

The Jarrard’s are proactive about family-time and intentional parenting but they’ve still wrestled with tension to maintain their first-things-first approach.

“One of the things we’ve done to put family time first is saying no to a lot of ‘opportunities’ that are otherwise good and positive but would distract us from each other”, Julie said.

The Jarrard’s made another decision along these lines that might seem radical to some of us. Beginning this fall, Julie will Home School all 5 of their daughters in-part to simplify family life at home. That’s a big family decision, but even bigger things are looming for the Jarrard Family.  A process of renewing our values certainly reorders our lives but it can also create opportunities for growth. In the case of the Jarrard family, this is quite literally what has developed.

Julie explains, “throughout a process of refocusing and refining our schedules and our daily lives, God has revealed even more to us about what He really want us to do as a family.  Removing the clutter from our lives has also been about making room for another child or children.  We have begun the process to adopt a child from Ethiopia.”

Wow.  That’s a profound revelation for a family with 5 daughters. Julie described the origins of their ongoing adoption journey by asking some great rhetorical questions:

“Do we want more toys to fill up space or do we want to make room for a baby brother? Do we want to go out to eat or can we cook something we have at home and put the money we would have used in our adoption fund? Do we pray for ourselves to get the things we want or do we pray for those children in the world who don’t have their basic needs met?  We have been amazed at how this journey has affected our girls thus far. The girls recognize that we’ll all need  to make sacrifices for their baby brother to get home. We now hear them pray before meals for children in Ethiopia and Haiti. At the same time, this is a process for all of us, and none of us are there yet. However, we can feel God shaping us into the family He wants us to be.”

That’s inspiring! You can follow the adoption journey of the Jarrard family on their new blog, Eyes on Ethiopia.

My family is coming off of a refreshing vacation to the beach and Walt Disney World!  Summer is definitely the season for vacations.  Families break from their routines to spend quality time together and focus on having fun.  Vacations really are important for kids.  They need time with parents to just have fun and forget about the pressures and responsibilities of life.  Perhaps more importantly, kids need intentional time with their parents that’s not distracted by the responsibilities and pressures from within the lives of their parents.

As I should be more often, I was so engaged with the kids while on vacation.  I was focused on their words, their expressions and their interactions with the world around them.  I took a lot of pictures while I was doing that.  One of my favorite moments was when John Harmon told Amy that he didn’t need a shower because “I rode Splash Mountain today and I got soaked!”.  Here are some of my favorite pictures from our vacation, in no particular order, starting with the shot above of Emily standing in front of the T-Rex Restaurant in Downtown Disney.

Harmon giving it 110% to get the sword out of the stone…

Playing in the sand….

In front of the Intracoastal Waterway in St Augustine…

Downtown Disney…

Surfer Kids…

Just after we rode Space Mountain at Disney…

Goofy’s Barnstormer…

Skim Boarding…

Em perusing the Disney Pins at Downtown Disney…

The girls love Disney Pins…

AJ on the Intracoastal…

Em getting ready to hit the waves…

Splash!

Cinderella’s Castle…

Sunset…

I hope you’re able to take time this summer to vacate your routine and pause to celebrate the gift of family.